They Will Be There Tomorrow

I found this story at the military spouse magazine website the other day and man it hit the spot with me. I have been trying to be super mom lately and not ask for help with anything, but I can't do that. I can't do this alone. I have such a strong network of people here to help e that want to help me and I am finally asking them for the help that I need. I have found that making one large meal a week for dinner is a HUGE help for me in preparing a healthy meal. Even if it is the only healthy meal all day at least it is a healthy one. Once a week I have been asking a friend to come over and watch Mace while I cook the meal. At some point I am going to have to do this myself but I don't get the time available now to cook a meal. Anyhew I just wanted to let everyone know that we are doing well and I am surviving this. It is hard, that's no joke, but I know that this is only a short amount of time. And that this is one of the best times to enjoy my son because before I know it he will be a teenager with a strong will do to what he wants, when he wants, and how he wants! (if he is even a little bit like me than oh yea, he will be strong willed.) Enjoy the article.

A stay-at-home dad learns what many moms already know.

by Thomas Litchford, Navy spouse

A playground may not seem like an obvious place to go in search of wisdom. But it really depends on what kind of wisdom you’re seeking. When Danielle deployed this past spring, the question I needed to answer was: How do I deal with the constant demands of this parenthood gig, especially now that I have to Do It All?

After an exhausting few weeks, I found some enlightenment. Where? On the playground, at a spouses' club cookout and from my mom.

No Co-Pilot

A couple years ago, my friend Meg told me that parenting was, in some ways, easier during deployments. There is no one around to question your methods or your decisions, she said. In other words, you are the supreme ruler!

And I used to think that was true, because it was sure easier to be the sole parent while Danielle was at work during the day than it was when she came home at night. Sean had learned to play us against each other. You can picture it: He would ask Danielle for dessert when he knew I would say no, at which point any strict enforcement of "Daddy's rules" would cause too much of a fit to be worth the trouble.

But during this last deployment, I learned the truth: Parenting during deployments is much, much harder. This is not news to anyone who's gone through it. You don't get any breaks, you're responsible for all household duties and you don't have that precious time with your spouse at the end of every day to just talk and be yourself and "decompress."

Being a full-time parent is difficult at the best of times (there's a reason that mothers used to ask Calgon to take them away). But it's even harder when you're doing it alone.

The Myth of the Super Mom

So how do you deal with it? How do you manage the stress and anxiety from the many demands on your time and attention (with so little left over for yourself)?

When I asked my mom this question one day, she shared a truism that her mother-in-law had once shared with her: It'll be there tomorrow. The e-mail you haven't read, the floor you haven't swept, the laundry you haven't washed… it will all still be there tomorrow. When you feel like you simply cannot Do It All, don't. There are not enough hours in the day, and most things can wait.

What I've learned on the playground, and from fellow military spouses, is that other parents feel the same way I do. Their beds are unmade, they've been letting the kids watch too much TV and they hate cooking for just themselves and their offspring. And we all feel like failures because of this.

Newsflash: Even the most super of Super Moms still need some downtime. So when the kids go down for their naps and you've used up all your willpower just keeping your temper in check all morning, do something for yourself. Pick up a book. Put in a movie. Or take a nap. Ignore the unmowed lawn and the unbalanced checkbook.

They will be there tomorrow.